Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Words no longer have meaning

As much as I enjoy watching football, there is something about the NFL that really bugs me. That is to say, not counting Goodell (who is a joke) or the domestic violence (which is no joke at all). I'm referring to the lingo:

football game

How many times have you heard a TV commentator say something like "well, the defense has really taken over this football game" or "it's halftime and this football game is already over with the home team really controlling the football through the first 2 quarters". I think we already know it's a football game, that's why we're watching it instead of baseball.

"voluntary" workouts

Before the last CBA, apparently "voluntary" meant a team could and probably would release you if you didn't attend voluntary workouts. So the players actually had to spend time at the negotiating table with a dictionary explaining what "voluntary" means.

voiding "fully-guaranteed" contracts

More double-speak, so let's break this down. First word is "contract." OK, I know people break those all the time, people go to court over it, and so on, so yeah I get that part. Then we have the phrase "guaranteed" contract, which I guess is meant to convey something like the traditional sense of the word. You know, like George Foreman's "I guarantee it!" Except the league found ways around that. And so we get to "fully-guaranteed" which is just so laughably redundant (sort of like when companies tout their 24x7x365 support, when logically speaking, 24x7 should be enough. Or when the telcos sell "unlimited" bandwidth but cap people that try to use what they thought they paid for. But I digress). Well just today, I learned that teams have ways to void "fully-guaranteed" contracts. I mean, aside from the obvious "we heard you recently got convicted for murder, so uh, we're not going to pay you the rest of your money. kthxbye"